I'm so anxious to leave already that I can't stay still. I've tried laying in the bed, watching tv, calling friends and nothing helps. I'm really tired, but I can't stay still long enough to fall asleep.. Right now I feel like screaming, crying, hitting someone or anything, just so I get all this anxiousness out of me! Going crazy....

Tomorrow I'm moving to a hotel, and then on tuesday I will change hotel and stay there until saturday. Next week this time I will be at our new home with my best friend, we will probably be talking 'till we both fall asleep and then on sunday we have a day full of things to do and in the evening it's time for total disconnecting with wine, friends and a lot of dancing! 

Well, I should probably go back to bed and try to fall asleep or I'll just go crazy thinking about everything! 

I never, ever thought I would be even concidering moving back to Finland, but after a short visit a few weeks ago, I realized that maube I left for the wrong reasons and I thought that I had nothing left there, nothing to go back to. I was wrong. If I feel like moving back, I have people who will be glad to have me back. So now moving back to Finland is an option, before it wasn't. Everything depends on how I feel after this season goes on GranCan. Who knows, maybe this is the winter that changes my life for forever? One way or another. 

I have a feeling, that this winter is gonna be awesome, I'm gonna have my best friend from Finland beside me all winter. I'll have someone to share my everyday life with. Someone who knows me probably better than I do. Someone who motivates me. Someone who has the same lifestyle as I do. Someone who share the best and worst days with. 

I have only 10 days left on this beautiful, beautiful Island and I can't wait to leave it and this summer behind me. It's a shame that everything I've been through had to happen here, because I could have had the greatest summer of my life, Majorca has so much to offer, but now, for the rest of my life, when I hear the word Majorca, I'm just gonna remember how deep down in a hole I was. At the same time I'm gonna remember this summer as the summer when I crawled back up from that hole with the little strenght I had left. Once a fighter, always a fighter. 

In 10 days I'm gonna see my best friend again and that way I'm gonna have atleast a small bit of my life in Finland with me. We already have a nice apartment waiting for us and first thing on monday we are going furniture shopping and make the apartment to OUR HOME. No more yellow walls and pink sofas!

Ofcourse I have people on GranCan too, who I truly miss and looking forward to meet and spend time with again. Unfortunately, some of my friends over there might not be my friends anymore, but if they aren't mature enough to understand some things, well, maybe they never were friends after all. 

With these words, please someone fast forward the next 10 days! 

"All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am..."
 

When you have been working about 4-5 hours per day for the last six months and suddenly have to work "normal" hours, you don't feel like doing anything when you finally get home. Or atleast that's what i'm like now. I usually feel more energetic and do a lot more when i work more, but before you get used to the new rhytm in your life, uff... Right now I don't have a clue how i was able to work in three different jobs the past two summers. I must've been crazy. 

Luckily it's weekend again, and i get to sleep as much as I want, so that I'm ready to work again on monday... 

Good Night, I'm gonna hide myself under a blanket on the sofa and watch tv! 

I can't believe how fast the days fly by !! Today I've been here exactly a month, and it feels like i got here yesterday. This season is gonna end before we even notice it. I'm getting nervous already, I must be crazy or something. 

Let's all have a great week ! 

You just got to love this island. I'm more and more impressed every day! I feel like doing another roadtrip this weekend to find some other amazing places, but i can't decide where I want to go. 

*My dream is to have a house on the beach, even just a little shack somewhere so I can wake up, have coffee, look at dolphins, be quiet and breathe the air*

*I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...*

How can a person want two totally different things at the same time?!?  I love traveling and seeing the world. I also get bored very easily, and that's why my job is perfect for me, because I get to change islands every six months. Two months ago I couldn't wait to get out of Gran Canaria but now I really miss it. For the first time in my life I know what being really homesick feels like! At the same time I'm thinking, will i get bored there too after the first month? Should I get a job, that allows me to move around to other places than just GranCan-Mallorca, or should I just try to go to GranCan this winter and decide that I wont change island until I feel bored or ready for it, because it could also be, that the reason why I get bored so quickly is, that I know that I'm gonna move "soon" again, so I just want it to happen NOW ?!? 

*I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between*

Okay, so I get bored easily and want to see more places and countries. Then there's the other side of me, that wants to settle down already. That wants to find a place she can call home and where she can find friends and create a life for herself. Still, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that, before I try one job that I've always wanted to do. Even If it would be for only for one season, but after that I could say that now I've tried, I liked it/didn't like it, and when the time is right, I could settle down. I know, that if I don't try that, and I suddenly find the love of my life or whatever, and I settle down for example on GranCan, I'm always going to think how my life would have ended up if I just had tried it for atleast one season. 

*I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.*

So what should I do. Should I apply for this job now, and if I get chosen, decide in that moment if I'm gonna take the job or not? I know I'm very lucky now, I have a really good and easy job, with few hours of work and a boss that takes good care of his employees, so will I regret changing jobs? If I don't do this now, when will I do it? Wouldn't it be for the best to do it now, and if I don't like it, I could just cross my fingers and hope for the best, that my boss could offer me my job back. I reallly don't have a clue. 

*I'm not a girl,
But if you look at me closely,
You will see it my eyes.
This girl will always find
Her way.*
 

People keep telling me, that I shouldn't worry, I'm still young and I have loads of time. Yeah, that might be true, but as I said, I want to settle down and maybe have a family when I'm quite young, I don't want to be moving around anymore when I'm 30 years old. Or who knows, maybe I will end up doing exactly that for the rest of my life...
 

*I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),
While I'm in between.*

I love meeting new people and learning about new cultures and learning new languages, but it is tough to begin your life all over again every six months. Okay, now when/if I go back to GranCan I will have my friends there, I know my collegues etc etc, but If i take the other job, I really will be starting my life all over every six months, I will never know where they send me, I will have new collegues and new friends every time, and I will never have that one place that i can call home. 

*I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.*

I could apply for the job, and If I decide to take it, I could ask them to send me to GranCan. That way I would have the chance to try the job & be on the island I miss right now. Then again, if I want to apply for the job because I want to see other places than GranCan and Majorca, isn't it stupid to be on GranCan doing a job that I might/might not like, working my ass off and get less salary, when I could be there wiorking in my current job, with great people, less hours and so on... Well maybe I will figure everything out soon, or atleast I hope so...
 

*I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.*

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you revisit a place where you've been a long time ago, and you suddenly realize how much everythings changed since then? Well I got exactly that feeling when I drove to Puerto De Soller yesterday. I was doing my On-the-job-learning there autumn 2010 with my friends from school, and we spent almost a month there. It was a great experience for me and I had great collegues at the hotel. Yesterday when I drove to the harbour, I recognized some places but i saw them in a totally different way. I sat down in a café right by the beach and started thinking about all that has changed since then. 

From Puerto de Soller I drove to a small beautiful village in the mountains called Valldemossa. I passed a village called Deía too, but I didn't stop there this time, eventhough it was really beautiful too. I have to go there some other time.

. 

The second of May I fell in love... with this beautiful island ! I can't even describe the feeling I got the first day when I arrived at the airport and we drove through the capital, Palma, with my boss and I saw the mediterranean and all the lovely buildings of the city and the small cafés and ... well everything ! I'm telling you, there is something very special about this island ! 

Okay, so as I said, I arrived the second of May and we went almost directly to see the place where i'm working and also my danish collegue, and after a lunch in the harbour of Pollença it was time to finally see my new home in Alcudia... and my roomies ! This was the part i was most excited about, because me and my best friend came up with these horror stories about my new roomies on my last night in Finland. I was really frightened about what they would be like ! Well, they weren't home when I finally got to the apartment, but they had left a welcome-note for me, and somehow I lost all my fears at that point, and when I saw them in the evening, I knew we would get along just fine. 

The first days flew by like nothing, a little bit of working and getting to know more new peopleand getting used to driving abroad and and and... yeah well, when it's a new island, new people around you, new home etc etc, you have a million things going around in your head. Even though I was kind of stressed, I also felt so calm for the first time in over six months. I finally knew that I would have a great time here, and i was now ready to start living my life for the fullest. I have to admit, that the first six months on GranCan were really tough, even though I didn't realize it then and there, but I do now. Well, it's not that unusual, it was my first time living abroad alone and so on, so ofcourse it is different now, when i know i'm going to cope on my own, I know I'm gonna find friends and so on. Anyhow, I've got a feeling that this is going to be a great summer! ;) 

( I changed my writing to english in case of some of my *not finnish-friends* would also like to understand the things i'm talking about. My writing in english isn't always good, but as long as you understand me I couldn't care less about all the spelling mistakes I make ) 

*It feels good to be lost in the right direction*